Confessions of a Personal Secretary (Rosie Dixon, Book 8) by Rosie Dixon

Author:Rosie Dixon [Rosie Dixon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-02-26T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIVE

‘Now! At last! New Black Flash-Squirt!! Everything you have ever wanted in a washing up liquid – but black!!’

‘Is that it?’ I ask. It is the day after the lateral thinking session and I have returned to collect some of my underwear. Blake’s secretary, a pleasant plump girl with bags under her eyes, has returned and just finished typing out what I imagine to be the fruit of my labours.

‘What’s the matter with it?’ she says.

‘Well,’ I say. ‘It’s just like everything else. I typed out two ads that were virtually the same yesterday.’

‘It’s very effective,’ says the girl whose name is Alice.

‘You mean, it sells lots of the product?’ I say.

Alice looks at me contemptuously. ‘No, silly! It keeps the clients happy. That’s the important thing. They love words like “new” and “at last”, especially as their products are usually old-fashioned rip-offs of other people’s stuff. And of course, to have the product name in huge letters is very important – second only to having a dirty great picture of the product itself taking up every square inch of space. That kind of thing makes the average client nearly have an accident down the front of his Burton Executive suit.’

‘But I never look at ads like that,’ I say.

‘Of course you don’t,’ says Alice. ‘But you’re not important. The client can see it five miles away. He’s the one whose paying the money.’

‘But aren’t the ads supposed to make people buy things?’ I ask.

‘Of course they are,’ says Alice. ‘But you can never prove which ones are doing it, that’s why we have a research department.’

‘I thought the research department was supposed to find new ways of testing the efficiency of ads?’ I say.

‘No,’ says Alice. ‘It exists to find new ways of proving that you can’t test the efficiency of ads. If you could test ads then the agency’s ads might be found wanting and we could lose business. We only test ads to prove that our headlines can be read easier than anyone else’s and that people recognize the product illustrations when wearing sunglasses. That way the client feels reassured that no one in his organization can blame him for not putting the right emphasis on the product.’

‘It sound awfully complicated,’ I say.

‘It isn’t really,’ says Alice. ‘It’s just a question of finding lots of sophisticated reasons for never doing anything original.’

‘Alice.’ Blake Edwards opens the door of his inner office. ‘Bring your pad in here, will you?’ Alice picks up a flat rubber cushion and moves towards the creative controller’s sanctum. ‘Hi there!’ he says, seeing me. ‘We’re just starting a brainstorming session on Merrynits. Can you spare a few—?’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, firmly. ‘I’ve got to get back to Mrs Joyce.’ It may be my imagination but the glass panel seems to start steaming up the moment Alice closes the door.

I cannot help feeling rather let down after my experience in the creative department. When I think about what took place in Blake Edwards’ office I would rather not think about it.

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